The Top Ten Warning Signs the End is Near

Number 10. We learn Corona Beer really does contain human urine but we never noticed because we drink it with a lime. Number 9. The United Nations invites Yogi Berra to speak about the future of the world and he says "it ain't what it used to be." Number 8. Airline travelers vote LAX the best airport in the world. Number 7. Drug lords win the presidency and every state governorship in Mexico; they appoint generals and police chiefs and peace reigns throughout the land. Number 6. Goldman Sachs legally owns and operates a casino on Wall Street and it is named the "Oracle." Number 5. The Los Angeles Clippers repeat as NBA Champions. Number 4. Walmart encourages its employees to join a union. Number 3. Just as we do in our elections, the chickens vote for Colonel Sanders. Number 2. A real pig wearing lipstick becomes a serious candidate for the U.S. Senate. Number 1. Aliens from outer space held in Area 51 and Roswell stage peace hunger strikes to bring attention to their overcrowded living conditions and charges of sexual abuse.